Just Breathe

WARNING: Male friends, father figures and brothers, proceed with caution, you are about to enter an uncharted territory of the feminine mystique.

Now, if that isn’t enough to make you want to read on! Seriously though, in today’s post I am going to venture into some personal, very personal information. After much discussing with Josh to determine if this was appropriate blog literature, I decided that I am in the mood to bear my soul and the story is just too funny and Italian not to share. It embodies the Italian experience that we are living here in Rome. It is one of those instances when we look at each other, laugh and say “only in Italy”. So here I go, and please note, there is a bit of soul bearing here, so I do hope that you appreciate my willingness to strip down (literally) and show you the underbelly of my everyday Roman existence.

So what is all of this hubbub about? Well folks, we are living in Italy and although I try to keep things light about the oddities of our lives, there are some things that we experience as expats that you may have never thought would be worth a blog. Today I had a situation that every American women goes through (or should go through) at least twice a year. I am going to tell you about my bi-annual visit to… “the lady doctor”. Yes, I am about to write about the Gyno, an experience that no one looks forward to, this time even more anxiety was attached as I sought to at least find a doctor who spoke English. I can brag all I want about my Italian, but there was no way I was relying on it in this particular situation.

I made an appointment, after searching in the English Yellow Pages (thank GOD for the English Yellow Pages) with a doctor who had a nice full page ad, and claimed to have done residencies in both America and England. A fertility and childbirth specialist, his practice also did regular checkups. As luck would have it, Josh happened to have the day off of work today (after working for some 36+ hours straight). Being the good husband he is, he agreed to accompany me to my appointment. We left the house this morning complete with literature for him to read in the waiting room and off to the doctor’s office for this seemingly routine visit. I must admit because of the language situation and the very delicate nature of business I was about to conduct I was in a heightened state of apprehension and very glad to have the company.

We arrived to the office a few minutes before the appointment. A Russian nurse, through a little bit of broken English and a lot of bad Italian made my chart recording my name, date of birth, address and other credentials. I then needed to convey what I was coming to see the doctor for. After asking me three times if I was sure I didn’t want a blood test, I think she was finally assured that I did not, or want to become pregnant and scribbled disappointedly on my chart that I simply wanted a regular “checkup”. Here the real fun begins…

A suave looking Italian man in what I would describe as a “doctors costume” (think of the fake doctors in the movies in a white smock and a mandarin collar) enters the waiting room, he takes my hand and kisses it and shakes Josh’s hand warmly as he ushers us out of the waiting room and into his office. He wants to speak with us before my examination… So we enter into his nicely decorated office and sit down in front of his desk. “Now, what can I do for you?” he asks. This reminds me very eerily of the time when we bought our first car. I explain to him that we have recently moved to Rome and I am due for my routine check up and will soon need a refill for my contraceptive pills. “Okay”, he said very cheerfully, “but why don’t you just have a baby?. I choke a little and then Josh and I smile politely and look at each other “Well…”, I begin, as he interrupts, “how long have you been married”. Josh tells him proudly that we have been married for five years now. “Oh, it is definitely time to have the baby”. Did our parents somehow contact this man before we came? Is this life advice included in the price of the exam!? After a few more minutes of baby pressure he finally relents and tells me about the Italian version of birth control pills he can offer. I tell him that I would like something as similar as possible to the levels of chemicals and medications I am currently taking. After consulting his reference manual and finding the make up of what I was prescribed before, he tells me that there is an Italian version that I can get, but it will make me fat, specifically that it “might make you gain the ten pounds or so”. He then recommends another product and I agree to try it. With this matter settled and the prescription written out he explains that he will now do my examination. He tells me that he and Josh will chat in his office while I go with the Russian nurse to get undressed and he will come in when I am “no longer exposed”. So I leave the office with Helga, I don’t really know if that was her name, but I think it fitting. Helga stops at a door in the hallway, points and tells me in Italian/Russian/English that I must “pee pee” before I go for my exam. Is this a real medical term?

Once this business is over we proceed into a very sterile and official looking examination room, much like what I had been used to seeing stateside. I have never been so comforted by sterile metallic instruments in my life, but at least they were a universal sign for normalcy! Through a series of gesticulation and relaying on past experience I prepare myself for the exam and station myself properly on the table (I will leave these details out, for you men readers that have made it this far, ask your wives or girl friends for further description). The RussiaNurse goes to another door in the back of the room and calls “Pronto”. It seems that this room is directly connected to the office that Josh and I were just in, in fact, I can now hear the doctor and Josh laughing merrily. After a few moments wait, in walks the doctor…with my beloved Josh. Apparently this has turned into a family affair and Dr. Italian has just invited my husband to witness this momentous occasion. As Josh walks in he looks nervous and as confused as I am, but the doctor is very merry and ushers Josh into a front row seat for the show. Again, without going into too much detail things are pretty routine, but the whole experience made bizarre by having an audience. The doctor excitedly shows Josh my uterus on a screen and assures us that everything is “A-okay”. The exam is over in less than 5 minutes and we are back in the office for our final consult.

Again, here, I share very personal information in the name of humor. Apparently I have a very common medical “situation”. I have bit of “erosion” on my cervix. Nothing to worry about the doctor assures me. He illustrates the problem by showing us a series of slides that I think may make Josh faint, but he seems to be holding up just fine. The good doctor would like to treat this with a prescription for now and then gleefully tells me with eerie gesticulations that if that doesn’t work he will burn it off, “bzz bzzz” during my next checkup. He then goes onto explain how to use the prescription, which is basically a topical ointment. You can apply it whenever, he says, “but, it just depends if you like to wear the underwear at night”. He smiles knowingly, “I don’t need to know, maybe you do, maybe you don’t. You Americans because of your heritage do not like to discuss these things, but really, you have the pajamas to cover… and a woman and a man, they need to be able to breathe sometimes” he says enthusiastically and nods, “going to bed with underwear is a lot like going to bed with a hat, you need to let your cervix breath, it is up to you though, whatever you want”. By this time, the man could have said anything and it would not have fazed me, I was in the gynecological twilight zone. Oddly enough, I had sort of gotten used and almost embraced the pure madness of the situation, so I just laughed and looked at Josh, who by this time was in the same shock of all that he had just witnessed.

We finished our business in the office with the merry medical man, who again kissed my hand and slapped Josh on the back as we made our way out to the receptionist area to pay the bill. On the walk back home we both decided that this was the most fun we’d had in awhile and that we had just experienced a true dose of the Italian way of life. After having an afternoon to ponder and think the situation over, I think there are some real learnings to share here, not to mention a funny story. Lesson one, it is good to be open about such things, we stuffy puritans might benefit from the ability to talk freely about one’s total mental and physical well being. Two, it may also be good for men to experience firsthand what we women are subjected to as a routine part of our quest for good health. And finally, perhaps the biggest lesson for all… sometimes we just have to let our cervixes breathe.

Autumn in Rome

We've settled into a nice routine (well, sometimes) now that we've been back in Rome for a few months. It has been a busy fall, so I thought I would share some highlights! The weather turned beautiful, cool nights with big moons, perfect for sleeping! We went to a play last Friday and this is the view we caught on the way home. The play was in English, but we've been discussing the idea of trying to see a production in Italian, a good way to learn!







One Saturday we headed out the Parco del Musica, with its amphitheatre and campus designed by Italy's own Renzo Piano. The Rome Film Festival also happened to be in full swing during our visit, so I happily kept an eye on the red carpet while Josh oogled over the good design. We saw some famous Italians, but still have no idea who they were. The crowd seemed to like them though...




I ran my first official Roman race, a 5k on World Food Day to fight hunger! I did pretty well, those cobblestones are still tricky though. There was a pretty decent turnout and it was nice to see all of my fellow runners come out. There wasn't nearly as much male spandex as I had prepared Josh for, the weather was a bit chilly, so everyone was pretty well covered. Josh spotted a Will Ferrell look alike lining up at the start of the race, he was an interesting character! He was jumping around, stretching out, but his outfit was the best, at first we thought he was a joke!











Halloween, one of my favorite holidays, hasn't really caught on American Style here in Italy yet. There are a few things out in the stores, but no trick or treaters and excessive costuming. The Italians aren't really up for the secular holidays; I think they spend most of their efforts on all of the individual Saints days that we always seem to be celebrating. After a bit of effort and almost a full day’s work, I did manage to find a pumpkin. The man at the market thought I was nuts for wanting the whole thing, I had to explain to him that this zucca (pumpkin) was very important in my culture to celebrate Halloween. He let me have it, but watched me drag it all the way up the street to my house. Apparently people eat the pumpkin here and they actually use the insides for stuff... imagine! We carved him this weekend to really freak out the neighbors, so far we haven't received any formal complaints!



We may be thousands of miles away from home, but one tradition we have managed to uphold is our beloved Ohio State football. We have managed to watch most of the games, thanks to the wonders of technology; we can watch the games live through a little miracle called the Slingbox. The little gadget, after much prompting frustration and phone calls to IT, connects to the cable feed in the Mackley's house in Groveport and sends the signal across the world directly to our internet connect!

Unfortunately for us EuroBuckeyes, there were quite a few night games this season. An 8 o'clock kickoff starts at 2am in Rome! We worked out quite a nice little routine and by this past weekend (a thorough routing of Penn State) we breezed through the night quite enjoyably. I took a good healthy nap before the game (Josh of course, was too excited to sleep). We start the pre-game prep at 1:30am with some light stretching and jumping to promote blood circulation. Before the game starts we load up on salty snacks and start downing the Diet Coke through the first quarter. We are alive and well through the 2nd quarter and then during halftime (4am ish), we make coffee and pancakes. The caffeine and sugar high then serve nicely until the end of the game and post game discussions, taking us right up to dawn at 6am ish! Of course, it helps when your team is #1 and dominating.

Fall in Rome has treated us well. The weather is nice, there are lots of things to do and see and the Buckeyes are the number 1 team, no matter where you hang your helmet.

Back in the O.H.I.O

Our first trip back stateside. I can read the signs without thinking and make small talk with cashiers! The TV speaks my language and there is a Walmart every 10 kilometers... errr, miles.
I promise a full report when we return home, but for now we've had a smooth re-entry. A good flight, no major delays and minimal jet lag. I do miss the Italian coffee though.

Thanks Phil and Cliff!

A special blog shout out today to my old Philly pal, Phil; who was nice enough to forward me an article about a great running route in Rome from this month's Continental Airlines magazine. It is nice to think that when people think of Italy, they are now reminded of me! I am not sure if this is good or bad for Italy, but it is definitely great for me!! Since I just received the article this morning, and it is a glorious sunny Saturday in Rome AND I had just told Josh last night that I really slacked off in running this past week, I took the email as a direct sign that I should try the route out immediately. So after sleeping in a bit and my morning coffee I grabbed my running shoes and off I went. The day is perfect, 75 degrees (that is Fahrenheit thank you very much, I can't figure this Celsius stuff out for the life of me) in the noonday sun, with a slight, cool new autumn breeze filtering through the Cyprus trees. God simply does not grant better days than this. My only hope is that it is similar weather in Central Ohio today, where my Buckeyes are scheduled to kickoff in just a few hours at the Horseshoe.

The route was great, a 2.5 mile loop through Villa Borghese, which most people consider to be the best park in Rome. From my handfuls of experiences there, I have no reason to argue, it is beautiful! Think of 148 acres of green space with winding roads, museums, ponds and fountains. Up and down the rolling slopes, there is a view around every corner that is enough to keep you running to the next to see what lies ahead. Today was the perfect park scene. Picnickers dotted along underneath the canopy of trees, tourists resting with a gelato on the marble steps of the Museum of Modern Art, clear blue water in the fountains and ponds, well dressed Italians out for a Saturday promenade and children riding ponies... you can't make this stuff up!

To get to the park from our apartment in Monti is about a 20 minute walk/warm up trot through some great neighborhoods. I passed by the US Embassy along the Via Veneto, which you might recognize as the street of Audrey Hepburn's famous Vespa ride in "Roman Holiday". Today as I made my way to and from the park the outdoor, street side cafes were just starting to fill up with the ultra hip and trendy neighborhood crowd, this was almost as good as nature watching! I kept my eyes peeled for familiar faces, as there are supposedly many celebs in town, stopping off on their way to and from the Venice film festival for a little Roman Holiday of their own. George Clooney is said to be a very great admirer and friend of Rome's major and Brad and Angelina are rumored to have just bought a new yacht, docked off one of the coastal towns near Rome. Alas, no star spotting for me today, but I am certain I will run into someone at a bar or cafe one of these days!

The city is also abuzz with activity today because tonight is La Notta Bianca, the White Night. All of the major European capitals host this end of the summer festival. All of the piazzas are filled with musical performances or art installations, the museums stay open all night with free entry and in general everyone stays up all night and wanders through the city enjoying the scenes of music, dance, art and people watching. Josh and I are going to give it out best attempt. The whole city celebrates and there are so many things to see, I think it would be impossible to see them all, but there is certainly enough to keep you out all night. My goal is to make it to dawn to see the sunrise from the piazza on top of the Gianocolo hill, by far the best view of the city. We'll see though, we don't exactly have our European threshold of partying up to its full potential yet. Thank god I started drinking coffee!

A Normal Life?

Not much to report over the last few days. Which, to a new expat in Italy, could be considered news itself. This weekend was our anniversary, so Josh and I made a night of it with dinner and a movie. Ben Hur was showing on the outside Terrace of a local Palazzo/Museum...actually, since the movie was so long, we never made it to dinner! We managed to make it through the night on tiramisu alone. This was also an achievement, not being exactly the "domestic type", attempting to make a tiramisu was quite an accomplishment for me. It must have been alright because we both took the time to scrape the bottom and sides of the pan to make sure we ate every last morsel!

To further our status in normalcy this weekend involved one of our favorite US pastimes, Ohio State Football. Nothing can be wrong in the world, even in Italy, when the Buckeyes take the field on a sunny day for the first time in the fall. In fact, a good home opener combined with Michigan's embarrassing defeat made for a jolly weekend all around: even if we did have to imagine the game, since we were relegated to listening to the broadcast on the radio. Luckily we have both been to enough games in early September that imagining the sunlight hitting the sparkly silver helmets and afternoon shadows across Ohio Field wasn't a stretch for either of us. It was a bit odd however to watch a noon kickoff at 6pm, I am a bit nervous about those night games, which will begin at 2am here in Rome. The things you do for football.

Since we were having such an American weekend anyway, we continued on with more less-than-cultural pursuits including two trips to IKEA (hey, it is "global" I suppose), vacuuming, moping and my personal favorite, rearranging the furniture! I moved "my office" and the computer into the main living room so that we will be able to "watch TV" (with our Slingbox technology) on our couch, furthering our normalcy, instead of in the bed. Watching TV in bed is nice we decided, but better as a treat than a norm.